Pollyanna Proliferation

Remember the old classic Disney film Pollyanna? I remember loving it as a child and taking its very wise message to heart. Pollyanna’s father taught her “The Glad Game” which was, in essence, to find the good in every situation. This game saw her through the toughest of circumstances. When Pollyanna was orphaned and living with stern old Aunt Polly she persisted in finding the good in every situation and seeing the good in the people around her despite their negative outlooks on life and habitually ingrained grumpiness. Sent to the attic as punishment, she admired the beautiful view it afforded. Given only bread and milk for supper she realizes she does, indeed, love bread and milk. Soon, with her youthful enthusiasm and unending gratitude for all life brought her, she melted the hearts of those around her and, by teaching them her secrets to enjoying life, enriched their lives immeasurably. Her perceptions of life changed the lives of those around her. Simple really, and yet a lesson I think we need to revisit time and time again.

 The term “Pollyanna” has entered our language as a description for someone who unfailingly finds the good in life, no matter the circumstances. In today’s fast paced, success-oriented, sophisticated and sometimes jaded world it often takes on a negative connotation, as if finding the good was hopelessly naïve and ignorantly unrealistic. I beg to differ.

 What if we all absolutely insisted on seeing the best in each other? What if we would take each person as they were, each situation as it came without trying to judge? What if we always looked for silver linings and knew, just knew they would be there? What if we took it upon ourselves to always bring good cheer, always lend a hand when needed, and always, without fail, without regard for what was in it for us, love others? Life would be transformed, that’s what, for us and for those around us.

 I aspire to be a card carrying, certified, state of the art Pollyanna. Yes, indeed, that is my new year’s resolution! Anyone else?

Forgiving, Redefined

As I recently listened to an acquaintance talk about her ex boyfriend, the cruel things he'd said upon their breaking up, what a miserable attitude he has, how much he'd hurt her and so on and so forth, we came to the most amazing part of the conversation, the part where she said that she forgave him because he was just, well, an unfeeling ignorant person, not worthy of a second thought. It was this conversational exchange that got me to thinking about the idea of forgiveness and how we apply it in our lives.

The Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary describes forgiving as "allowing room for error or weakness". Clearly, my acquaintance was allowing room for her ex-boyfriend to exist, lots of room, as in keep a wide berth, I never want to see you again room. Forgiveness, used in this application, is a concept carefully and sometimes, as in my acquaintance's case, angrily placed on top of judgment. It is the metaphoric equivalent of placing a lamp on the elephant in the room and hoping the pacoderm will pass for a side table. One must, eventually, deal with the elephant.

At a much deeper level, forgiveness can effortlessly arise when we are brutally honest about our participation in a relationship gone wrong, when a true understanding of contributing human frailities and the dynamics of human exchange give rise to compassion for the human condition. At this level of depth, forgiveness serves to dissipate the original judgement entirely and can literally transform life.

Get This Straight, Buddy

I'm not completely sure where I got my compulsion for order, neatness and alignment, that is to say, symmetry. Perhaps from my father whose garage was always impeccably in order, boxes lined straight and clearly marked as to contents.  Perhaps from my mother who taught us to make our beds with "hospital corners", neatly and tightly, and wasn't satisfied until we did so. No matter the source, somewhere along the line I got obsessive about order, about things being lined up properly, about a place for everything and everything in its place.This compulsion has served me sometimes and worked to my detriment  at other times.  There is so much to keep track of in life, so many details associated with living in the world, so many deadlines and due dates and important days on the calendar. Keeping up with that, clearly, is where the organizational skills I have developed over the years have come in very, very handy.

There is, however, a downside to my aversion to disorder.  Life is not always neat and tidy.  It is, in fact, downright messy and just horribly disorganized at times. And the world is chock full of people who have no such compulsion for order and neatness.  Sometimes it is important  to be able to accept the messes and the confusing jumble of whatever is in disarray at the moment  and just allow it to be without working myself up into neat freak disaster mode.  Any time I rail against what is, I've found, I seem to get more and more of the same popping up in my life.  Acceptance of what is, on the other hand, allows it to resolve itself in its own time without my peace being disturbed one little bit.